How to keep obnoxious teens out of a theater:
I was at the dollar theater the other day standing in line behind a
group of stupid highschool kids who were looking for something to do.
It was pretty late (9:00 PM is "pretty late" in Utah, and anything after
10:00 PM is rebellious), and there weren't
any "younger-than-18" clubs open to babysit them, so they were standing in
front of the theater trying to decide on a movie to watch, annoying me
to no end. Every other word was "dog" or "bro," like they shared some
kind of deep comradery with not just each other, but everyone else
around them. I'm not your "bro," and not everyone can relate to your
artificial need for bonding, asshole. If you see someone in public who
you don't know, chances are good that they don't want to be called "dog."
What does that mean, anyway? Cut that shit out.
So I decided to see Adaptation again, which happened to be the only
movie that was playing late that night. The girl in line kept asking stupid
questions like "is it any good?" What difference does it make if it's "any
good"? It's the only movie playing, so you have no choice. Even if it
completely sucks, you're only out a dollar you dumb bitch. Is there an
unspoken rule that you have to act like
an asshole when you go to a dollar theater? I saved myself the agony
of having to sit in the same theater as "dog" and "bro," but my efforts
were in vain. The theater was full of skanky highschool chicks
who were making out with their stupid boyfriends. Why bother going to
a movie if all you're going to do is sit there and make out? You think
you're some kind of big shot who's going to get laid? Good job
stud, you landed some under-developed pussy.
What's so lusty about a disgusting dollar theater that makes people want
to make out anyway? Is it the sticky floors, the stale aroma of cheese, or
the seats caked with popcorn grease that makes people want to pop a
boner? Sex smells, take that shit someplace else (preferably
a running wood chipper).
184,818 High School kids are gullible.