How to keep obnoxious teens out of a theater:

I was at the dollar theater the other day standing in line behind a group of stupid highschool kids who were looking for something to do. It was pretty late (9:00 PM is "pretty late" in Utah, and anything after 10:00 PM is rebellious), and there weren't any "younger-than-18" clubs open to babysit them, so they were standing in front of the theater trying to decide on a movie to watch, annoying me to no end. Every other word was "dog" or "bro," like they shared some kind of deep comradery with not just each other, but everyone else around them. I'm not your "bro," and not everyone can relate to your artificial need for bonding, asshole. If you see someone in public who you don't know, chances are good that they don't want to be called "dog." What does that mean, anyway? Cut that shit out.

So I decided to see Adaptation again, which happened to be the only movie that was playing late that night. The girl in line kept asking stupid questions like "is it any good?" What difference does it make if it's "any good"? It's the only movie playing, so you have no choice. Even if it completely sucks, you're only out a dollar you dumb bitch. Is there an unspoken rule that you have to act like an asshole when you go to a dollar theater? I saved myself the agony of having to sit in the same theater as "dog" and "bro," but my efforts were in vain. The theater was full of skanky highschool chicks who were making out with their stupid boyfriends. Why bother going to a movie if all you're going to do is sit there and make out? You think you're some kind of big shot who's going to get laid? Good job stud, you landed some under-developed pussy.

What's so lusty about a disgusting dollar theater that makes people want to make out anyway? Is it the sticky floors, the stale aroma of cheese, or the seats caked with popcorn grease that makes people want to pop a boner? Sex smells, take that shit someplace else (preferably a running wood chipper).

184,818 High School kids are gullible.

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