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Safe Kids Move Downed Power Lines!

Did you know that downed power lines are very dangerous? It's true! Power lines can sometimes fall due to heavy snow storms, hurricanes, or poor craftsmanship.

As a safe kid, it's your job to give grownups a hand! Here's how:

  • First, locate the downed power line. If it's up a tree, get a ladder.
  • Make sure your hands are dry! Never touch electric cables when your hands are wet!
  • Next, see if there are any adults around. If they are, wait until they leave so they don't get scared and go nuts!
  • Finally, and this will be the last thing you do, grab the cable to see if there's still a current running through it. If there is, let go! If not, move the cable out of the way where plants and animals won't get hurt.
That's it! If you follow all of these rules, that makes you a real safe kid, and safe kids are cool kids!

Safe Kids Practice Safe Shooting!

Here's a fact: robbers can walk into your home any time they want, make a sandwich, use your bathroom and play with your mom's titties. The most important rule to avoiding accidents with guns is to: BE CAREFUL! Everybody knows that guns save lives, but did you know that guns can end lives too? In fact, they can end just as many lives as they save, and possibly even more if you don't follow common sense safety rules.

Safe kids know that the only way to shoot someone safely is if you have good aim, and the only way to get good aim is to practice shooting all the time. But first, you need to know what robbers look like. Here's what to look for:

  • Any time you see a dark silhouette in your home at night, it could be a robber (see right). Make him or her think twice about breaking in with those balloons. Open fire!
  • Robbers love to use disguises. Sometimes they look like the mail man, or the guy who reads meters from the power company. Don't be fooled! Pump off a couple warning rounds in the air to let them know you're serious about safety!
  • Sometimes robbers even look like pets. Stay alert! It could be your neighbor's pet. It could be your own. Dogs eat food that isn't their's all the time, but if you did the same thing at a restaurant, you'd get arrested or worse! Why should dogs get away with it? Teach dogs that the only free meal in life comes at you at 800 mph, and is made of lead.

Next, you have to find your dad's gun so you can practice shooting! You don't have to be a detective to find the key to his gun chest; it's on his keyring. Once you get the gun, get some target practice. Just take care not to hit any of mom's precious china, or you're cruisin' for a bruisin!

And if you practice enough at shooting targets, you might even get good enough to shoot with your eyes closed, just like magicians! And the only thing cooler than safety is magic!

Run Fast Across Freeways to Avoid Being Hit!

Grownups always tell you to look both ways before crossing the street, but what about crossing the freeway? Here are some tips that most grownups won't give you:

  • Learn the difference between cars that honk angrily, and cars that honk in support.
  • The trick to crossing a freeway is to run fast.
  • Sometimes ducking down and letting a car pass over you is the best option. Just make sure there's enough clearance under the car. If not, you may find jumping helpful.
  • Use spacial reasoning: if a motorcycle can fit between cars, so can a kid. And a baby. Speaking of...
  • If you have a baby brother or sister, make sure to carry him or her on your back.

Sometimes running and jumping just isn't enough, and you might get hit. The important thing to remember is if you get hit by a car, don't panic! Just dust yourself off and try again.

Save Money & Time By Buying Things You Want!

Ever ask your mom to buy you something from the store, but she says "no" because she's too busy? You're not alone!

You don't have to forego fun just because your parents are too preoccupied with work and divorce. Here are three easy steps to getting what you want, and freeing up your parents' time so they can sort out their lives:

  • Wait until your parents are sleeping, and sneak quietly into their room. It's important to be as quiet as possible so you don't waste their time by waking them up.
  • Find your dad's wallet or your mom's purse.
  • Take any cash or credit cards you find.
That's it! Next time you go to the store, you can use the cash to buy whatever you want. But be careful! Make sure you only buy things you really want! If you spend your money carelessly, you could end up buying bread, groceries, and food that your mom already has for you at home. And boy will she be mad if she found out you bought a bunch of things she already has.

It's best to use cash for candy and toys, and credit cards for things you buy online, like TVs and home entertainment centers. When your mom realizes how much time you saved her, she's going to flip!

Safe Sex

Sexual abstinence is sometimes promoted as a safe way to avoid getting sexually transmitted diseases (STDs), HIV and pregnancy. Though most people (60%) who pledge not to have pre-marital sex end up having it anyway, and are 30% less likely to use contraceptives than their peers who receive and practice safe sex procedures.

Safe sex is not just about protecting you, it's also about protecting your partner. Some people think that safe sex is less enjoyable than regular sex, but if done properly, safe sex with the right partner can still be an exhilarating experience. When you have decided you are ready to have intercourse, here are some rules you should keep in mind:

1. Use a Condom

Always, always, always use a condom! The best condoms for general purpose use are lubricated latex condoms. For vaginal intercourse, you may want to consider a condom with spermicide lubricant. If you are allergic to latex, there are polyurethane alternatives, as well as lambskin condoms, though lambskin does not protect against STDs and HIV and aren't recommended.

2. Use Lubricants

Using a good water-based lubricant will make things go smoother for you and your partner, and is great for if you tend to get sore. Avoid oil-based lubricants because oil can wear down and eat through latex condoms. Don't use vaseline or handcreams as lubricants, but do use Astroglide, KY Liquid, Liquid Silk, Maximus and Probe (though note that Probe contains glycerin, which may sometimes cause yeast infections). It's especially important to use a good lubricant if you engage in riskier anal sex. If you decide to engage in anal sex, make sure the anal area is clean and the bowels are empty. It may help to remember the phrase "shit it before you hit it."

3. Clean Sex Toys After Every Use

Proper storage and maintenance of your sex toys will ensure safety and a long life. If you notice your dildos chipped, cracked, or stained, throw them away! Make sure not to put the toy in your vagina after it's been in your pooper without washing it first. It's best to use a condom with toys, and even vegetables such as cucumbers, zucchini, eggplant and butternut squash.

4. Use a Condom for Oral

If you are going to put your partner's chach (pronounced "chawch") in your mouth, make sure to use a condom for males, and plastic wrap or a dental dam for females. Dental dams are square pieces of latex you can get from most drugstores and dentist's offices.

Safe sexual practices like the ones above are good to follow, but they won't guarantee you won't get mouth herpes, face herpes, crotch herpes, genital warts, syphilis, herpes on your butt hole or worse, unwanted pregnancies. If you notice any symptoms such as painful urination and a pee hole that's swollen shut, it may be a sign of gonorrhea. Talk to your doctor and get tested regularly for sexual infections. If you play it safe, you can help reduce the risk, and reducing risk is cool!

1,362,211 kids are safer now!

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