Are you an executive? Do people follow you around and kiss your ass all day
long?
If so, then chances are that you're pretty good at bullshitting. Bullshitting
is the act of putting on the appearance that you know what you're talking
about. I do it, you do it, everyone does it. Executives just happen to do
it very well.
Everyone at one point in their lives will work for an asshole. It's
inevitable. Where do they come from? These sages of bullshit, weilding
uncanny powers to deceive and exaggerate? From college of course!
Throughout grade school you may have noticed several distinct categories of
people. There are always head-up-their-ass jocks, slutty cheer leaders,
nerds, and drop outs. After high school, the jocks realize that
they're completely worthless and decide to go to college to justify their
existence. Once in college, they take all the bullshit classes like
philosophy, english, accounting, and anything business related. Three years
into college, they decide to get a business major, and graduate to become a
manager somewhere. Rather than taking any classes in school that require
more than
a pulse to graduate, they take the easy route and get a BS degree
in business (bullshit).
All the asshole jocks that gave you a hard time in school end up
being your boss at work! To add insult to injury, they get paid ludicrous
amounts of money to pretend to know what they're doing! They'll sit around
with their thumbs up their asses in their huge offices, and give you
absurd requests to accomplish the impossible, taking all the credit for it if
it's good, and they'll still have the gall to bitch about it if it's not.
They'll pick on you to feel better about themselves and
they'll go home early every day. Every potential holiday is milked for all it's
worth, giving them an excuse not to come in. All the while they preach
bullshit about integrity in the work place and professionalism-- usually after
going to a strip club for lunch.
When it comes down to results, they can bullshit like no other. Using obscure
business jargon to make themselves sound intelligent during meetings. If
you should catch them in one of their complex fabricated contradictions, they'll
either call it a policy or deny it all together. Cowards. All of them. It's
ironic how little any of them know about anything. If put into any other
real-world scenario, they would die instantly. They have no skills, no
natural talents. Nothing. Only the ability to bullshit and kiss ass...
and sometimes that's all they need.
It truly doesn't matter what you're capable of, but who your friends are
at work. How much work you do is inversely proportional to how big your
salary is. The next time you're stuck at work in a stuffy office, forced
to listen to some asshole rattle off meaningless bullshit, ask them this
question: "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" Bulge your eyes and stand up
for the best effect.
The room will grow quiet and everyone will look at him. He'll be directly
put on the spot. He won't have anything to say. Then ask the people in
the room "Does anyone really know what the hell's going on? All you people
ever do is babble about meaningless bullshit and nothing ever gets done.
You can't justify anything you've said, ever, and I'm not going to take this
anymore." Then say "You're all full of shit. Admit it." Gradually, they'll
all admit that their entire career is a sham and that they are completely
worthless. Just once I'd like to hold up a sign during a meeting that says
in big black letters "YOU'RE FULL OF SHIT. SIT DOWN." I can't believe
how easily these bastards get away with it.. none of them know what they're
talking about. NOBODY DOES. Worthless.
255,837 people have read this bullshit.
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