"The Cell" is boring and stupid.

I saw the movie "The Cell" the other day. zzzZZZZ. This movie never ends. I went into the theater young and energetic, but left feeling bald and impotent. This movie is too damn long.. seriously, I'd go so far as to say it's one third as long as "Brave Heart." That's right, this movie is 6 hours long.

The movie starts out with this lady; her ass is too big. Then there was a kid. He reminded me of the kid from "The Sixth Sense," except he was pissing me off more. Next scene, there was some shit. Then some guy talks about a white dog, he has a real wheezy laugh (the dog, not the guy). More shit happens, at this point, nobody cares, still. Finally they show that horse what's up. Then the only cool part in the whole movie was where this huge guy that looks like a giant demon with purple curtains on his back.. oh man, he was seriously kicking ass. I couldn't find a picture, but here is a picture I drew; it should give you a pretty good idea of what the demon looked like:


No matter, the demon was on the screen for all of two seconds. I blinked and the scene was over. Near the end of the movie, king Boring wanted a showdown with Rotundo Ass, so they duked it out for a while. The movie ended with some guy hugging a girl in a swimming pool. They were French kissing.

That's pretty much all I have to say about this shitty movie. Don't see "The Cell." If this review didn't make sense, that's because I'll be damned if the director can get away with 2 hours of it if I can't get away with two pages. The movie sucks, next.

483,492 people thought I had good taste in movies until they read this review. Now they're sure of it.

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