You Drive a Honda Civic
Not a Race Car


Why are people so obsessed with making their cars look like they're faster than they really are? It's not just Civic owners, it's people with Neons and Hyundais too. They go all out and buy new rims, tint their windows, add fins, paint stripes on their car... why? It's old. You drive a shitty car, deal with it. Mitsubishi Eclipse owners are some of the worst offenders. What's the point of dumping all this cash into modifications when it won't significantly change the performance of your vehicle?

It's ironic that with all the money that these morons dump into modification, they could have saved up and bought a real sports car in a couple of years instead of pretending like they drive one now. It doesn't matter how big your fins are, it doesn't matter how cool your rims look, it doesn't matter how much noise your muffler makes. You still drive a shitty car. Period. End of story.

The other day I pulled up next to some jackass in an intersection. He started to rev up his engine and roll back and forth. I turned my head towards him, glanced at his car, glanced at him, rolled my eyes and turned back to the road. This pissed off the driver and as soon as the light turned green, he went peeling off. Way to go jackass. Now what did he prove? A) That his car is so fast and powerful, that he can even beat people who aren't racing him. B) That he's a wise investor for buying those rims, because the ones he had just weren't cutting it. C) Those stripes on his car look sharp and hide the fact that it's still just a Civic or D) That he's a dipshit.

Why didn't I race him? Because I don't drive a sports car and I know it. I could pretend I drive a sports car, just like anyone else. I could put giant fins on my car and pretend it's a jet or whatever the hell they think putting huge fins on a car accomplishes. Or I could quit pretending and just drive my damn car to work and school. Watching people race in Civics is like watching people race in minivans. I suppose the competition is there, but it's anti-climactic, like watching two geriatrics playing golf. It's a race where even if you win, you lose.

What's the point of having a fast car anyway? Is there some legal speed that they're trying to reach that they can't seem to do with normal cars? Even if your car can go more than 200 mph, you have to break the law (more often than not) to do so. Way to go dipshit, you spent your life savings on something you can't use. Worthless.

422,967 people modified their cars in hopes of making it look unlike the cheap piece of shit that it is.

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