Commercials I HATE:


I hate most commercials. Recently I saw a commercial for a product that helps remove odors from things you spray it on (jackets, couches, etc). The beginning of the commercial shows a lady (the mom) walking into a room and saying "My husband smokes cigars, and my kids call his chair--" and she gets cut off by the shrieks of some little girls as they scream "--THE STINKY CHAIR!!"

Those stupid little shits. "The stinky chair"- ? I hate those kids. Oh, you don't like Daddy's chair? Not good enough for you, you spoiled little brats? Don't like the smell? How about you shut the hell up? Does that sound good enough for you? You little shits. Go to your room, no dinner for you. You make me sick. You're all worthless. You're all mistakes. You little jerks. You've disgraced my name.

That's how those stupid kids should be talked to. Those little jerks with their smart ass remarks. Who the hell do they think they are?

Next, there's a commercial that has been bugging me for a long time. I think the product is Winter Fresh Gum. The commercial features some whore in a short cut dress seducing a guy that probably drives a really nice car. Then some shitty music kicks in, with the lyrics going something like "Nothing's colder than ICE... Ice Ice Ice.."

Then there's some stupid hag that backs up the vocals with some moaning "oooh oohhh oooohhhh.." That bitch. I hope she dies.

Oh, and I really hate Toyota commercials. One of the newer ones features some dipshit driving a purple Toyota with some shitty music going on in the back ground, like he's some kind of guy.. that drives cars. He's trying to find a parking spot, but he's such a suck-ass sissy that he gets chased away by a dog. Then a bunch of signs flash by the screen that say "No parking" or "Librarian parking only" and even "Bean counter parking only". Then the asshole finally finds a parking spot by some old lady that acts like she's shocked when she sees him pull up and the announcer says "Fitting in, schmitting in.. the new RAV-4 by Toyota. It's not for everyone, only you."

What the hell is that supposed to mean? Not for everyone, only me? They don't know me. And even if it was only for me, I'm to assume that this whole shitty advertising campaign is targeted only for me? I'm the only person in the universe they made that car for.. my ass. What a crock of shit. And I won't even start with the music. Actually, I will. It's shitty and I hate it. "I am everyday people" WHAT THE HELL IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

Then there's that evil bitch on those Crest commercials. She's so happy. Smiling, showing off her pearly white teeth. She's got a house and three kids. She's a tough working mom. She's the strong, independant, 90's type. She probably loves saving whales and eating TOFU. In the commercial, she says "My kids don't always listen to me, so I have to pick my battles."
"Clean your room, and they say 'no'."
"Go to bed, and they say 'why?'."
"But when it comes to healthy teeth, I make them use Crest, because I'm really a Crest kid inside-"

Okay.. Stop right there super-bitch. You're a what? Did I just hear you say 'Crest kid'? Don't tell me you just said that. Dammit to hell. WHY THE HELL Do THESE PEOPLE TRY So HARD to pisS ME OFF? They know what they're doing. They're trying to make me turn into a shit-eater so I can be one of them. Then I too will be a 'Crest kid', and I'll go to McDonalds and Taco Bell all the time, and I'll see shitty movies like "Ever After" and anything with Ellen Degeneris in it. I hate her.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot about the other Toyota commercial I hate. It starts out with some assholes washing their car with a hose, and having a water fight. Then it shows a bunch of bull riders doing some stereotypical American stuff, and a shot of the grand canyon or some other shit. Then the announcer says "There's no doubt about it.." -shitty music kicks in- "..Americans love to succeed."

Oh really? As opposed to the rest of the world? Americans love to succeed, and everyone else loves to lose. I want to find the dipshit that came up with that brilliant saying, and gouge his eyes out. Stupid shit.

My all time most hated commercials have to be pringles. Not the newer ones with the jerks that beat the cans together, but those stupid little kids that dance around and jump on couches and laugh. Those little shits. Having fun, are you? Do you like Pringles? Do they make you want to dance and giggle? Are they silly and fun to eat? Do you want to die?

I hate those kids more than Celine Dione herself. I can't stand those little jerks. Ever single one of them deserve to be launched from a cannon into a wall. Maybe that'll teach those little shits some manners. Jumping on the couch. Laughing. Singing. Eating those greasy chips. Makes me want to PUKE.

There are a lot more commercials I hate, but I'm too damn tired to write about them, and I have homework to do, and I'm going to play Contra 3.

307,500 people hope I die.

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