The war that the world forgot...
Your character in this game always has infinite ammunition, an attribute
lacking in almost every game today. Developers today try to make their games
as realistic as possible and the end result is having to spend hours and hours
trying to find shit in the game. It's boring. Nobody wants to play
"virtual scavenger hunt." If I wanted to find shit for hours, I'd clean
my room, and if I wanted realism, I wouldn't be playing video games. It's
that simple. The characters in this game don't talk. They don't have
cute names. They don't make smartass comments every time they run into
something, and they don't have 10,000 frames of animation. It doesn't
try to be a movie and a game simultaneously, because that formula
never works and people always end up skipping the rendered sequences once
they've seen them anyway. What's the point?
You never spend more than a few seconds running anywhere in this game.
Wave after wave of aliens are always attacking making it impossible to
become bored because the aliens are always changing. Level three for
example has you dodging flame thrower robots, flying lizard alien
mosquitos, a two-legged robot wall climber, snipers, winged troops
jumping from UFOs, wall cannons, two mid-sized robots (which look
suspiciously like Hideo Kojima's Snatchers) and one giant Snatcher. All
of this in one tiny level.
Why I decided to write this homage to Contra III is because the game is
just plain fun. I recently bought State of Emergency for PS2 and was
sorely disappointed with how shallow the game play was. After the novelty
of shooting everyone wears off (30 seconds into the game), you realize that
there just isn't much more to it. You end up running around the same mall
killing the same enemies over and over. The camera is the worst, and you're
constantly having to find new weapons to hunt down some generic looking
pedestrian. zzzZZZZZzzzzZZzzzzzz. While technically it's quite an
accomplishment to have over 200 autonomous characters on screen at one
time, you have to wonder if that's enough to make a game fun. Well, RockStar
answered that question for us: no. It's boring. I'd take Contra III any
day over a game like State of Emergency because Contra III, while over 10
years old has game play that's infinitely more in depth than State of
Emergency's mindless button mashing.
Sadly, 90% of the kids playing video games these days are dipshits who are
washed over by fancy graphics, which is why the two Playstation attempts
at recreating the Contra franchise have failed. 3D Contra sucks, as does
3D Castlevania (the piece of shit N64 version), and I'm sure they're going
to screw up the new Metroid that's going to come out. Why don't you
whores leave the classics alone?
657,906 morons think graphics are what make video games fun.
Back when men were men and video game characters still
had manly hair cuts, one game stood out from the crowd as being the manliest:
Contra III: Alien Wars. Everything about this game is no
joke. Right off the bat, your character starts out with a rapid
fire machine gun and an invincibility barrier for 15 seconds of invincibility
so you don't
have to put up with any bullshit cheap shots while you're getting accustomed
to the controls (emphasis on you, since I've mastered the controls
to every video game I've ever played and have yet to play). You won't
find any 5-minute loading times or 45-minute introductions in this game.
Instead, you'll find 31 flavors of ass kicking with a side of good old
fashioned beat-down.
BADASS three-headed alien skull boss.
The premise is simple: aliens have invaded and they're probably up to no
good, so destroy every last one of them to be on the safe side. There aren't
any rendered CG sequences in between levels. This simple premise alone is
enough to guide the story; gamers don't have to be spoon-fed the plot in
long, boring cut scenes. It doesn't take hours and hours of character
development to get into the game and you don't need to set aside a two
hour block of your life to get to a save point. In fact, there aren't
any save points. Save points are for pussies.
Parabolic streams of fire are no match for cocky poses.
Turtle boss getting his shit ruined.
The alien face spider leg rectum boss!
Walk down a corridor which conveniently leads to none other
than the alien heart itself.
Aliens destroyed with the tank die the exact same way as aliens
destroyed by machine gun, laser, spread, homing, flame thrower and rocket. I
wouldn't have it any other way.
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