Contact information: *Note: Due to the overwhelming volume of email I've been receiving, if you have something that needs an immediate or time-dated response, please refer to one of the following:

1. If you are from the media
If you're from the media and need to get a hold of me for an interview or any other reason, type "media" in the subject line of your email or use the following link:

2. If you need to get a hold of me urgently or you require a response:
If you need to get a hold of me urgently or you require a response, type "response requested" in the subject line of your email or use the following link:
response requested


How did this site start? How do you promote your site?

This site started out as a text document containing a list of 50 things that "pissed me off." I circulated it to people on efnet #coders a long time ago, they liked it, so I posted my first page back in '97. I don't promote this site, all traffic has been generated by word-of-mouth alone.

How many people write for your site?

Just me. I do all the articles, graphics, programming, layout, email responses, etc.

We want to give you large sums of money to write for us. How can we do that?

Shoot me an email here.

Why pirates?

Pirates rule, and being one myself, I'm just trying to perpetuate the ass-kickery.

I have a great idea for an article, why don't you do a page about "blah blah blah...?" / May I send you my writing/ideas?

No. Do not send me your writing/ideas. I disregard all such email because I don't want to post something on my website and have some dumbass emailing me a few weeks later claiming that they gave me the idea. I have anywhere from 25-40 articles in queue at any given time. So I have more than enough to write about, don't send me your ideas. You may send me general suggestions, but if you're worried about me taking your ideas, then don't email me.


No, I'm not a socialist/marxist/communist. I'm using the Che picture because I think it's a good parody of a recognizable icon (even though most people who read this site don't realize the parody, don't ask questions and don't know who he was), and because most people consider him "Che the revolutionary," not "Che the pinko."

Why don't you do a page about religion? How about those stupid Pagans / Christians / Buddhists / Atheists / Mormons / Hindus / Muslims / Jews, do you think they're stupid?

No, give it a rest already. I'm not about to change anyone's fundamental beliefs with a two paragraph blurb on my web site. Believe what you want to and shut the hell up about it. The whole anti-religion, anti-atheism, anti-whatever theme is tired; GET A NEW CAUSE. If you want a good old fashioned pointless debate about religion, look for it somewhere else. I'm sure you'll find many self-proclaimed "enlightened" 14 year olds who have it all figured out and are more than happy to tell you their bullshit philosophy about religion and why your beliefs are wrong.

What do you have against jocks?

Nothing. In fact, I love jocks. They always make sure I get my fries piping hot and my pizza delivered in 30 minutes or less.

I sent you an email, too good to reply?

I'll get to it when I'm good and ready. If you've asked a good question or you've sent me an interesting/unique email, I'll try to reply. If your email is important, use one of the links above. If you sent me an important message prior to reading this FAQ, send it again with the appropriate subject line. It also helps to have an interesting subject. For example, here's how NOT to get my attention--I sorted my mail by subject line containing the word "dude" the other day (this goes on for over 3 pages):

Is it alright if I link to your web site?

Yes, you don't need to ask permission to link to my web site. Images are another story, see below...

What do you do for a living? What languages do you program in?

I'm a programmer for a telemarketing company. I work anywhere from 40-60 hours per week (hence my delayed graduation). I write with Informix 4GL/SQL, Perl (CGI), C, C++, Unix shell (korn, bourne, bash), sed/awk, Java, PHP.

I'm under the impression that everyone hates your site despite your overwhelming traffic. Do you ever get any fan mail?

Yes. Of the 800-900 emails I get each day, 90-95% of it is fan mail, and unfortunately most of it is more poorly written than my hate mail.

Do you post every hate mail you receive?

No. Although the overwhelming majority of the mail I get is "fan" mail, the hate mail I do get is usually not funny, not important, not original and not interesting to read. Most of the hate mail I get is fake because people want to see their email posted on my site.

Why does your site look so shitty? / Why do you use such huge fonts?

My site looks shitty for the following reasons:

1. Bandwidth conservation. I'm costing my ISP, Xmission, a lot of bandwidth per month, even with the text-heavy layout I have now. Xmission has been great about hosting this site, and I want to make it as efficient as possible while still getting my point across.

2. Protest. I'm keeping my web site shitty as a protest against all the slick-looking, contentless web sites out there. Nobody cares about your stupid rotating icons and fading links. Mine isn't the only site on the internet that uses a simple layout, perhaps you've heard of this one?

Some webmasters have spent years tweaking their layout and designing their site, and very few get any traffic. This site, as shitty as it looks, gets over 1 million visits per month. I use large fonts also as a protest against all the stylish garbage you see out there. When I go to a web site, I WANT TO READ THE CONTENT. Trust me, that micro-font everyone uses isn't nearly as original as they think. I've chosen a black background for most of my text because it's easier on the eyes than staring at a white screen. Think about it: your monitor is not a piece of paper, no matter how hard you try to make it one. Staring at a white background while you read is like staring at a light bulb (don't believe me? Try turning off the lights next time you use a word processor). Would you stare at a light bulb for hours at a time? Not if you want to keep your vision.

How old are you? / Where do you go to school? / Where do you live? / What is your major?

At the time of this writing I'm 26, I go to school at the University of Utah; my major is math.

Will you marry me? / Do you have a girlfriend?

To date I've received 79 marriage proposals from women, and 4 marriage proposals from men. I'm currently single.

Why did you start this site?

At first, I put up a small site with only a few pages on it just to spite my close friends. That was back in mid-late '97. Since then, word has spread, and my site has grown like a rash.

How often do you update your page?

At least once every week. And by "once every week," I really mean "when I get a chance." And by "when I get a chance," I really mean never.

On your site, you claim that all [insert-group-of-dipshits] are [insert-stereotype]. That's not true! Why do you say it?

Who cares?

But not all [insert-group-of-dipshits] are [insert-stereotype]!

No really, who cares? When I say "all gothics go around getting drunk and have sex with dead animals," do I really mean all gothics? If you even have to ask this question, then this site isn't for you. Obviously not all [insert-group-of-dipshits] follow a particular stereotype, and I figured that people who visit my site would assume I know this. That being said, you won't find any politically correct bullshit on my site (unless some slipped in while I wasn't paying attention).

Do you hate beef jerky?

No, dumbass. The following words should never be taken literally on my site: "always, every, all, everything, nothing," and "never." Actually most of the things I say I hate on my site, I really don't care about strongly in real life. Animals and animal rights for example. I just don't give a shit either way. So why do I say animals are only good for eating? Well, for two reasons. First of all, because they are. And second, just to piss off animal rights activists--those crazy bastards that protest McDonalds (people should be protesting McDonalds, not because of animal rights, but because their food is shitty).

Is there anything you do like?


How come every page on your site says when it was updated last, but you almost never make updates?

Because I hate going to sites and having to guess if the content has been updated or not. With my site, all significant updates will be noted, and usually the updated page(s) will be moved to the front of my site. However, this rarely happens because I do everything perfekt the frst time.

What does that number at the bottom of each page mean?

Each page on my site has its own unique counter. I usually add a phrase to each counter to make it interesting to read. So far, I haven't had any luck making any of the counters, let alone any of the pages on my site interesting to read.

So what prompts you to do a new page?

Hell if I know. Why don't you ask the people around me? They're the ones that usually dictate what pages I put up. Little things people say and do drive me up the wall. I lose sleep over the simplest things (the way someone laughs or talks on the phone for example). So my page, in this respect, is an outlet for me to express my frustration.

You contradicted yourself on your site N-times.


How can you always be right if you contradict yourself?

That's besides the point. What's important is that I'm always right about everything. If you disagree with anything I have to say, you are wrong. For example... I changed my mind, I can't think of an example. But trust me, I'm right.

Where do you get all the images for your site?

I draw most of them.

What program(s) do you use to make your site?

All the source is written using vi in Unix. All the images were made using Paint in windows (yes, I'm serious), and an occasional image is touched up with Photoshop or Paint Shop Pro. All the file conversions (.bmp to .jpg) are done with Photoshop.

I love [insert-page-or-image-here], can I use it on my page?

If you want to use something on my site, please contact me and ask my permission first. Feel free to link any of the pages on my site, and my site itself on your own site. Please do not link the images directly.

Why don't you have fan mail on your web site?

Because people typically find hate mail more interesting to read. The ratio of fan mail to hate mail I receive is about 25 to 1. Surprisingly, I receive a great deal of "fake" hate mail from people who want to see themselves quoted on my site. While I get a kick out of reading them, I usually won't post fake hate mail.

Has your site ever received an award?

Yes, in fact, I recently gave myself the "Best Damn Web Page In The Universe" award:

I rule.

I decided to give my site the award because it's the best site I've ever been to. I love everything about my site. It's the best.

Do you take donations?

I'm not going to hold this site hostage to donations, but donations are always welcome. It takes a lot to keep this site going, but if you want to really help me out, and you know someone in the media, contact me (subject line "media" will be prioritized). I have a lot more ideas than I have time to write about. I have ideas that might be useful to you.

There are two ways you can donate:
1. PayPal, my ID is maddox@xmission.com

2. To help pay for my hosting fees directly, you may mail a check to Xmission at:

51 East 400 South Suite 200
Salt Lake City, UT 84111-2711

*Note: You must write "Account: maddox" in the check's memo field.

That's it for now. If you want to see something that I didn't cover here, ask: maddox@xmission.com.

3,031,264 people still don't understand how the counters work on my site.

Back to how much I rule... New Book Store Email Patreon
© 1997-2017 by Maddox