2. If you need to get a hold of me urgently or you
require a response:
Questions:
How did this site start? How do you promote your
site?
This site started out as a text document containing
a list of 50 things that "pissed me off." I circulated it to people on
efnet #coders a long time ago, they liked it, so I posted my first page
back in '97. I don't promote this site, all traffic has
been generated by word-of-mouth alone.
How many people write for your site?
Just me. I do all the articles, graphics, programming,
layout, email responses, etc.
We want to give you large sums of money to write for us. How can we do that?
Shoot me an email here.
Why pirates?
Pirates rule, and being one myself, I'm just trying to
perpetuate the ass-kickery.
I have a great idea for an article, why don't you
do a page about "blah blah blah...?" / May I send you my writing/ideas?
No. Do not send me your writing/ideas. I disregard all such email because
I don't want to post something on my website and have some dumbass emailing
me a few weeks later claiming that they gave me the idea. I have anywhere
from 25-40 articles in queue at any given time. So I have more than enough
to write about, don't send me your ideas. You may send me general suggestions,
but if you're worried about me taking your ideas, then don't
email me.
HEY MADCOX ARE YOU A SOCIALIST? WHAT'S WITH THE CHE
PICTURE?
No, I'm not a socialist/marxist/communist. I'm using the Che picture because
I think it's a good parody of a recognizable icon (even though most people
who read this site don't realize the parody, don't ask questions and don't
know who he was), and because most people
consider him "Che the revolutionary," not "Che the pinko."
Why don't you do a page about religion? How about those
stupid Pagans / Christians / Buddhists / Atheists / Mormons / Hindus /
Muslims / Jews, do you think they're stupid?
No, give it a rest already. I'm not about to change
anyone's fundamental beliefs
with a two paragraph blurb on my web site. Believe what you want to and shut
the hell up about it. The whole anti-religion, anti-atheism, anti-whatever
theme is tired; GET A NEW CAUSE. If you want a good old fashioned pointless
debate about religion, look for it somewhere else. I'm sure you'll find many
self-proclaimed "enlightened" 14 year olds who have it all figured out
and are more than happy to tell you their bullshit philosophy about religion
and why your beliefs are wrong.
What do you have against jocks?
Nothing. In fact, I love jocks. They always
make sure I get my fries piping hot and my pizza delivered in 30
minutes or less.
I sent you an email, too good to reply?
I'll get to it when I'm good and ready. If you've
asked a good
question or you've sent me an interesting/unique email, I'll try to reply.
If your email is important, use one of the links above. If you sent
me an important message prior to reading this FAQ, send
it again with the
appropriate subject line. It also helps to have an interesting subject.
For example, here's how NOT to get my attention--I sorted my mail by subject
line containing the word "dude" the other day (this goes on for over 3
pages):
Contact information:
*Note: Due to the overwhelming volume of email I've been
receiving, if you have something that needs an immediate or time-dated
response, please refer to one of the following:
1. If you are from the media
If you're from the media and need to get a hold of me for an interview or
any other reason,
type "media" in the subject line of your email or
use the following link:
media
If you need to get a hold of me urgently or you require a response, type
"response requested" in the subject line of your
email or use the following link:
response
requested
Is it alright if I link to your web site?
Yes, you don't need to ask permission to link to my web site. Images are another story, see below...
What do you do for a living? What languages do you program in?
I'm a programmer for a telemarketing company. I work anywhere from 40-60 hours per week (hence my delayed graduation). I write with Informix 4GL/SQL, Perl (CGI), C, C++, Unix shell (korn, bourne, bash), sed/awk, Java, PHP.
I'm under the impression that everyone hates your site despite your overwhelming traffic. Do you ever get any fan mail?
Yes. Of the 800-900 emails I get each day, 90-95% of it is fan mail, and unfortunately most of it is more poorly written than my hate mail.
Do you post every hate mail you receive?
No. Although the overwhelming majority of the mail
I get is "fan" mail, the hate mail I do get is usually not funny,
not important, not original and not interesting to read. Most of the
hate mail I get is fake because people want to see their email posted on
my site.
Why does your site look so shitty? / Why do you use such
huge fonts?
My site looks shitty for the following reasons:
2. Protest. I'm keeping my web site shitty as a protest against all the
slick-looking, contentless web sites out there. Nobody cares about
your stupid rotating icons and fading links. Mine isn't the only site
on the internet that uses a simple layout, perhaps you've heard of
this one?
Some webmasters have spent
years tweaking their layout and designing their site, and very few get
any traffic. This site, as shitty as it looks, gets over 1 million visits
per month. I use large fonts also as a protest against all the stylish
garbage you see out there. When I go to a web site, I WANT TO READ THE
CONTENT. Trust me, that micro-font everyone uses isn't nearly as original
as they think. I've chosen a black background for most of my text because
it's easier on the eyes than staring at a white screen. Think about it:
your monitor is not a piece of paper, no matter how hard you try to make
it one. Staring at a white background while you read is like staring at
a light bulb (don't believe me? Try turning off the lights next time you
use a word processor). Would you stare at a light bulb for hours at a
time? Not if you want to keep your vision.
How old are you? / Where do you go to school? / Where do
you live? / What is your major?
At the time of this writing I'm 26, I go to school at the University of
Utah; my major is math.
Will you marry me? / Do you have a girlfriend?
To date I've received 79 marriage proposals from women, and 4 marriage
proposals from men. I'm currently single.
Why did you start this site?
At first, I put up a small site with only a few pages on
it just to spite my close friends. That was back in mid-late '97.
Since then, word has spread, and my site has grown like a rash.
How often do you update your page?
At least once every week. And by "once every week," I
really mean "when I get a chance." And by "when I get a chance," I really
mean never.
On your site, you claim that all [insert-group-of-dipshits]
are [insert-stereotype]. That's not true! Why do you say it?
Who cares?
But not all [insert-group-of-dipshits] are
[insert-stereotype]!
No really, who cares? When I say "all gothics
go around getting drunk and have sex with dead animals," do I really
mean all gothics? If you even have to ask this question, then this
site isn't for you. Obviously not all [insert-group-of-dipshits]
follow a particular stereotype, and I figured that people who visit my site
would assume I know this. That being said, you won't find any politically
correct bullshit on my site (unless some slipped in while I wasn't paying
attention).
Do you hate beef jerky?
No, dumbass. The following words should never be taken
literally on my site: "always, every, all, everything, nothing," and "never."
Actually most of the things I say
I hate on my site, I really don't care about strongly in real
life. Animals and animal rights for example. I just don't give a shit
either way. So why do I say animals are only good for eating? Well,
for two reasons. First of all, because they are. And second, just to piss
off animal rights activists--those crazy bastards that protest McDonalds
(people should be protesting McDonalds, not because of animal rights, but
because their food is shitty).
Is there anything you do like?
How come every page on your site says when it was
updated last, but you almost never make updates?
Because I hate going to sites and having to guess if the
content has been updated or not. With my site, all significant updates
will be noted, and usually the updated page(s) will be moved to the front of my
site. However, this rarely happens because I do everything perfekt the frst
time.
What does that number at the bottom of each page mean?
Each page on my site has its own unique counter. I
usually add a phrase to each counter to make it interesting to read. So far,
I haven't had any luck making any of the counters, let alone any of the pages
on my site interesting to read.
So what prompts you to do a new page?
Hell if I know. Why don't you ask the people around
me? They're the ones that usually dictate what pages I put up. Little things
people say and do drive me up the wall. I lose sleep over the
simplest things (the way someone laughs or talks on the phone for example).
So my page, in this respect, is an outlet for me to express my frustration.
You contradicted yourself on your site N-times.
So?
How can you always be right if you contradict yourself?
That's besides the point. What's important is that
I'm always right about everything. If you disagree with anything I have
to say, you are wrong. For example... I changed my mind, I can't think of
an example. But trust me, I'm right.
Where do you get all the images for your site?
I draw most of them.
What program(s) do you use to make your site?
All the source is written using
vi in Unix. All the images were
made using Paint in windows (yes, I'm serious), and an occasional image is
touched up with Photoshop or Paint Shop Pro. All the file conversions (.bmp
to .jpg) are done with Photoshop.
I love [insert-page-or-image-here], can I use it
on my page?
If you want to use something on my site, please
contact me and ask my permission first. Feel free to link any of the pages
on my site, and my site itself on your own site. Please do not link the
images directly.
Why don't you have fan mail on your web site?
Because people typically find hate mail more interesting
to read. The ratio of fan mail to hate mail I receive is about 25 to 1.
Surprisingly, I receive a great deal of "fake" hate mail from people who want
to see themselves quoted on my site. While I get a kick out of reading them,
I usually won't post fake hate mail.
Has your site ever received an award?
Yes, in fact, I recently gave myself the "Best Damn
Web Page In The Universe" award:
1. Bandwidth conservation. I'm costing my ISP, Xmission, a lot of bandwidth
per month, even with the text-heavy layout I have now. Xmission has been
great about hosting this site, and I want to make it as efficient as
possible while still getting my point across.
Do you take donations?
I'm not going to hold this site
hostage to donations, but donations are always welcome. It takes a
lot to keep this site going, but if you want to really help me out, and you
know someone in the media, contact me (subject line "media" will
be prioritized). I have a lot more ideas than I have time to write about.
I have ideas that might be useful to you.
There are two ways you can donate:
2. To help pay for my hosting fees directly, you may mail a check to
Xmission at:
*Note: You must write "Account: maddox" in the
check's memo field.
That's it for now. If you want to see something that I didn't cover here,
ask: maddox@xmission.com.
3,031,264 people still don't understand how the counters work on my site.
1. PayPal, my ID is maddox@xmission.com
XMission
51 East 400 South Suite 200
Salt Lake City, UT 84111-2711
© 1997-2017 by Maddox