So I was sitting there the other day enjoying a delicious spotted owl taco when along comes this walrus of a woman wearing a midriff t-shirt, exposing her flabby disgusting lard-filled gut as she lumbered along. I stood up so I could get a clear shot of her because I was about to barf up my lunch, when I suddenly realized that I was surrounded by nasty fat chicks with giant saggy guts. GROSS.

Every time I see another one of these lardass women parading around in some skimpy outfit, it makes me impotent for weeks. I don't get it. Is it part of that whole "acceptance" thing? That stupid mentality that we're all beautiful and that having a gut is cute? Trust me, your gut (and it is a gut, not a "tummy") is not as sexy as you think. It's nauseating. If you don't have the body for it, then why wear a tiny midriff t-shirt that accentuates your bulbous lard sack?

I know it's the trendy thing to go around dressed like Britney Spears because you're all mindless media drones with no opinions or personalities. I know that you all watch Jenny Jones and you have "if you've got it, flaunt it" chiseled into your minds (and I use the word "minds" loosely here because using this word implies that you have some mental capacity). Quit buying this shit. You're not Britney Spears. You're not hot. You're not popular. Nobody cares about your stupid new shirt and it doesn't matter how much you spend on your clothes because you're always going to be the same old boring you, who listens to the same music everyone else listens to because you're insecure and don't have opinions.

Just because looking like trash will help you get laid doesn't mean that you're any less of a vile pig. Cover up. Get some decency. Being able to get laid doesn't mean that you're attractive, and it doesn't mean you should go around showcasing your fatass to people either. There's always someone as horny as you are ugly. Take the hint: they don't make tube tops in extra-large because fat people shouldn't wear them.

675,643 dipshits bought the new Britney Spears album because that's what was playing on the radio.

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