If you suck at video games, don't bother reading this review because
this game is hard and I don't want whining retards
who can't pass the first level bitching to me about it. When I say
this game is hard, I mean hard like
Ikaruga is one of those games that comes along, kicks incomprehensible
amounts of ass, but nobody notices because everyone's too busy playing
dog shit football games. I don't get it: they re-package the same
shitty football games every year, update a few stats, call it a new
game and millions of suckers keep buying them. What's the point?
Why not just go outside and play real football instead? Or even
better yet, get bent. Nobody likes football. Or Tekken
for that matter. Man I can't stand Tekken. It's one of the
dumbest, slowest, and relentlessly boring fighters I've ever
had the misfortune of playing. Take this character for example:
Wow, great design assholes. Was Lampshade man already taken?
I wouldn't even mind so much if the controls didn't feel like
you were playing with boxing gloves on. Of course, you might
as well play with gloves on because
the combos never amount to anything more than tapping out
pre-defined mashing patterns, some of which inflict over
60% damage so that the entire match lasts fewer than 15
seconds and you end up having to commit vehicular homicide
on your way home to vent your anger.
Then as if one shitty Tekken game after another wasn't enough,
the Sony version of Soul Calibur 2 includes
"Heihachi," a 75 year old grandpa, as an extra character: BORING. The
Xbox version gets Spawn with a badass axe, and the PS2 version gets a
balding geriatric and a bottle of Centrum. For his special move,
Heihachi sits in a rocking chair on a porch and passes out
So back to Ikaruga, the game's design is ingenious: the entire
game can be played by alternating between black and white phases.
It's impossible to complete the game without switching back
and forth between colors. Clever design or subtle social
commentary? The concept is deceivingly simple: when your ship is black
you can absorb black shots and your attack becomes more powerful
against white enemies, and vice versa.
I think it's high time they started making more games like Ikaruga.
Game companies are turning gamers into pussies these days, which
is probably why games like this don't flourish.
That's one of the reasons I admire that nerd who
played something like 1 billion consecutive games of Pacman a while
back. It takes some guts, and a whole lot of stupidity to play
Pacman for that long. What a loser.