I Hate kids

Kids are loud, stupid, annoying, ugly, and they smell like dog shit. They're always running around giggling and spilling punch everywhere. They waste their time playing shitty games like Football and kick the can. Always eating candy and teasing the kids without any. Those little shits. Kids aren't even real people; that's why kids pay less to go to movies. They pay less because they're worth less. No, not worth less, just worthless.

I saw a kid on a Tylenol commercial once. I hated her. She was dressed up in a pink ballerina outfit and squirming around in front of her dad, trying to get him to watch her. The dad obviously had a long day at work, and was exhausted from working his ass off to feed his spoiled little daughter, but she persisted to dance around and get his attention. Shut up you little bitch, he's trying to sleep. But no.. she continues to dance. Then the announcer whispers "Don't worry little one, daddy's going to be okay" and then he takes some Tylenol to muster up enough strength to watch the little shit dance. Makes me want to puke. If I were the father, I'd scream and go into a rage for the slightest interruption. I didn't go to work for 8 hours just to come home and get bothered by my daughter's shitty dance. I'd say "You suck. Your dancing is horrible, I hope you break your legs. You're never going to be a dancer. Go sit in the corner and play with your dirt." And dirt is too much for her to play with. I'd give my kids rusty nails and battery acid. If they don't like it, they'll have to sell drugs to buy new toys, and that's after I take out my share of their profit to buy alcohol with it. Spoiled little brats. Why don't they go work for a change? Or are they too good to make an honest living? I've heard all the bullshit excuses like "I'm not tall enough to work at a construction site.." or "I'm only a kid." Oh.. it's breaking my heart. Tough shit. Go to work.

These little brats have gone too far these days. It's time to kick some ass and to bring down the law on these delinquents. New rules:

  • No more laughing. Kids aren't people and don't deserve to laugh.

  • No more singing. No more music. Nobody wants to hear a shitty little kid try to sing or listen to music. They don't know what's good, and they might start listening to the Wall Flowers or Live.

  • No more running, jumping, dancing, or fun. Kids don't deserve to have fun. They have to earn the air they breathe.

  • Penalty for graffiti: Death. No more of this correctional center bullshit.

  • Penalty for disobedience: Castration. Disobedient children don't deserve to procreate.

  • Penalty for experimentation with drugs or sex: Castration and then Death. We want to send them a strong message about this one.

  • Penalty for ditching school: Hmm.. I'm going with Death on this one, just to be safe.

  • Penalty for being outside beyond curfew: No penalty. Any children outside beyond their curfew will fall victim to rabid dogs and vampires.

    That should do it for now. With these rules, we shouldn't have any more problems with kids falling out of line. With total supervision, they can't screw up. And if they do, they will be shot. It's simple, and effective. Positive reinforcement in a child's life only leads to communism. Lets prevent it from ever happening again.

    423,791 people think I'm an asshole for hating kids.

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