MORE Lies Girls Have Told Me:

Bitch.



"I don't go out on many dates..."

Lie. This one immediately sets off my bullshit detector. Why the hell do girls say this all the time? What do they want, my sympathy? I recently had the misfortune of talking to a girl that claimed she rarely went on dates.. yet every night of the week she goes dancing and hangs out with dipshits at the club. Hmm... going out, hanging around with guys.. sounds like the equivalent of a date to me, jackass.


"These new pants are giving me a rash between my legs..."

Lie. No, your inability to keep your legs closed for five minutes is giving you a rash between your legs. There's a girl I talked to that told me this; she said that she couldn't go dancing because she had a rash between her legs:

GROSS!

It just so happens that she's a super-bitch too. I'll just call her Crotch-Rash for short (to conceal her identity--not that it matters, anyone can follow the trail of nasty-nast she leaves behind to find out who she is). Maybe if Crotch-Rash didn't jump on everything that moved, she wouldn't be in the situation that she's in. Silly Crotch-Rash, pull your head out of your ass.
"I think you're really cool, let's hang out some time..."

Lie. This one translates to "I have no intention of calling you or hanging out with you, but I'm too much of a coward to tell you the truth, so I'll lead you on for a couple of weeks while you put your life on hold for me in case I actually stop being the indecisive bitch that I am and I give you a straight answer." Like I don't have anything better to do than to sit around and wait for your dumbass to call me. I'm so sick of inconsiderate hags that act like they're doing me a favor by gracing me with their BORING-ASS conversations on the phone. Tell you what super-bitch, just forget it.


"I like everything when it comes to music..."

Lie. Oh, you like everything? Great! Since you like all music, we'll listen to what I want the whole time. Dipshit. I hate even talking about music with girls because more often than not, if it's not something off of the latest top 10 on the radio or some new-age hippy bullshit, chances are that she's never heard of it. Hey, I have an idea! Why don't you derive your own taste in music and stop listening to the trendy shit on radio stations for a change. Just for the record, anyone that listens to NSYNC has problems, seriously. Who the hell in their right mind would listen to NSYNC? If you see NSYNC in your friend's CD collection, that should be a warning flag that says "STAY AWAY." Crotch-Rash listened to NSYNC and look at what a bitch she turned out to be.


Bitch.

"All I want is a nice guy that will make me feel special, that will listen to me and love me forever..."

Lie. She left off the part about "and a guy that will have plenty of raunchy sex with me because that's all most girls are really looking for, but we're too shallow to admit that to you because we want to keep this 'virgin-girl' image we have going on and we don't want to sound too slutty, so we're going to pretend that all the nice guys we've met so far haven't fit the bill when in reality, they've treated us infinitely better than any guy we could ever hope to meet at a club downtown." I've said this before and I'll say it again:

GIRLS DON'T WANT NICE GUYS. END OF STORY.

I know there are SOME out there that do.. the ratio of honest girls that want nice guys to sleazy girls that are in it for money and sex is very small, if not non-existant. However, I won't consider this possibility at this time.

Almost every guy that goes to a club goes there for one reason: ass. More often than not, they get it. Way to go champ, you got laid, now wipe off the disease and try your luck again. That's all they want and girls aren't so stupid as to not realize this, but they want to make it sound like they're perpetual victims that can't find the elusive "nice guy." Why don't you actually TRY LOOKING for one, you moron? That's like a guy trying to find a "nice girl" by cruising the streets downtown. You tread the grounds of prostitutes, so don't complain that all you have to show for it is a yield of whores. I'm so sick and tired of girls giving the false impression that they want a nice guy; this is only true for women in their 30's that have already spent a decade getting their brains screwed out and now they're finally pulling their heads out of their ass and they're looking for a decent guy to settle down with. It's not going to happen moron, you blew your chance. I see girls fall for bad guys every day. I see girls abused, cheated on and insulted in public ALL THE TIME. What the hell is wrong with them? They think that there's something wild and untamable about bad guys that's attractive? WAKE UP. WAKE UP. You're getting abused, hurt, murdered and taken advantage of. Holy shit, how can people be so stupid? Is there no end to the barrel of stupid they drink from?


"I'm not really seeing anyone..."

Lie. "...except for Jack, but he's just a friend.. and then there's Charlie, but it's nothing more than sex. I'm kind of seeing Rupert on the side, but he has two kids and I don't know if I want to be tied down by kids right now.. then there's Eddie, but he's a mechanic.. oh he's so hot, but I can't settle down with someone like him because he has no future and I need commitment .. John .. Jacob .. Mark .. blah blah blah blah blah" SOMEBODY TURN HER OFF. You want to find a guy, yet all you do is talk about other guys. Great move dipshit. No wonder you can't find anyone. Here's a hint: quit sleeping around. Maybe someone will eventually respect you enough to treat you more than just a sex object.


Bitch.

"I've never had sex before..."

Lie. Unless you ignore all those times I've been felt up on dates, performed and received oral, fooled around with other girls, etc etc etc. Why do girls lie about this? It doesn't have to be coitus for it to be sex. Sex is sex. Quit trying to give people the false impression that you're innocent and pure. Just tell the truth. If you're embarassed about it and regret doing it, then you probably shouldn't have done it in the first place. At the very least, you could respect yourself by telling the truth.


"Sorry I didn't call, my uncle was sick and there wasn't a phone in the hospital and I thought that maybe your pager battery died so I didn't bother paging you to tell you to not wait for me all day..."

Lie. Translation: I went drinking with my girlfriend and my mom. Oh, you didn't know I had a girlfriend? Oh yeah, well I'm bi and we've been seeing each other on and off (in more ways than one) for over two and a half years. I guess I forgot to mention that part. True story.

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