Movie etiquette for idiots.

It's 2013. Movies have been around since the 1890s, so I'd expect you humans to figure out a few basic rules about film-going. Nope. Turns out the majority of you are still idiots, and I need to make this public service announcement. And yes, that's exactly what it is: a PSA. Look for it to be aired in between commercials for weight-loss supplements and vocational schools—also things people who don't know movie-going etiquette could benefit from.

It seems like it'd be pointless to enumerate these rules for the target audience (morons), since you'd expect these same dipshits to have inbred themselves out of existence by now. What's so hard about keeping your ugly mouth shut for a few minutes of your life? Is what you have to say so important that you can't wait until the movie is over? If you have to ask what's going on in the movie, guess what asshole? The person explaining it to you is going to miss the next part and then both of you dumbasses will be in the dark.

Although the video above identifies 6 primary rules not to violate during movies, they all boil down to just one: shut up. Nothing you say during the movie matters, unless it's to ask for a handy, which can be done entirely with hand gestures (text for translation only):

The "thanks" at the end can be communicated with a nod and a wink. And if you're extra appreciative, wink really hard with both eyes 5-10 times. This communicates to your handjob partner (the bestower) that you (the employer) are grateful and will consider him or her again for future jobs of the hand nature.

So in conclusion, shut up. Thanks.

401,976 decided to stay home and talk instead of going to the movies. Too bad they didn't decide to stay in their amniotic fluid.

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