EXTREME!!! Here's a stupid idea: make a character for a popular children's television program with a sexually transmitted disease targeted to kids who don't know what sex is. What ever happened to cartoons and characters who didn't have AIDS or some crippling disease? That's exactly what ruined the new Ghostbusters cartoon, "Extreme Ghostbusters." Instead of keeping true to the original series, they went off and changed all the characters and made them EXTREME. You have a black guy, a hispanic guy, a woman and a cripple. Please. You could sleep with a Thai hooker and experience less diversity than a 20 minute episode of Ghostbusters EXTREME. What the hell makes it so "extreme" anyway? Why can't they just make characters in cartoons like they used to: without "extreme" attitude? I can just picture the creative force behind the series brain storming: "Hmm.. what can we do to make this more extreme? How about we add a woman to the cast! Wait wait... not extreme enough, let's make her hair blue! And let's make one of the characters a cripple.. no wait, make that an EXTREME cripple." If they want to pull this shit, why don't they do it with something other than Ghostbusters? They could make an entirely new show devoted to it and they could make every character have AIDS or herpes or some debilitating disease. Nevermind the concept of super heroes, we have to focus on appeasing the quota of diversity (super heroes aren't diverse enough).

Well I say, why stop at AIDS? To help out the creators of the new character with AIDS, I went ahead and made some sample characters that I hope will be used in Sesame Street in the future. I just hope they're "extreme" enough:

Candy the Crack Whore
Follow the adventures of Candy the crack whore as she gives head for smack. Kids will love this rambunctious character because they never know when she's going to throw up or go into a coma next. She can help kids learn a valuable lesson about the street price of drugs and how to take care of the skank bitch that encroaches on your territory for business. Candy will also teach kids how to be resourceful by showing them how to abandon their unwanted babies on people's door steps or in dumpsters (whichever is more convenient). The possibilities are endless with Candy the crack whore.
Douglas the dumbass highschool jock
Help kids learn about the damage an over-emphasis on athletics can cause with Douglas, the dumbass highschool jock. Kids will be delighted as they watch Douglas stumble through the educational system being favored over other students with real prospects as he miraculously passes one class after another due to lax requirements, an apathetic faculty and mediocre expectations. Douglas the dumbass will touch children's hearts everywhere leaving a lasting foot print when he finally gets his GED and lands his first and last job as a clerk at a grocery store where he lives out the rest of his life bagging groceries for class mates who had the foresight to know that nobody gives a shit about athletics outside of highschool. Douglas will eventually become a store manager and marry one of the girls he knocked up in school, essentially confirming that his existence was unnecessary.
Lou the money laundering lardass
Lou the money laundering lardass will captivate children everywhere with his life of excess consumption, greed and lack of ethics as he screws hundreds and thousands of employees and share holders out of pensions and investments with shady book keeping and inflated profit forecasts. Kids will learn the importance of lying, kissing ass and sleeping their way to the top of the corporate ladder so that they too can one day get paid $200,000 to golf and occasionally sit through a meeting every other week. Lou will teach kids how to take advantage of loop holes in tax laws to avoid paying taxes and supplement his already bloated income while allowing the people who make the least in the country to subsidize his tax evasion with a percentage of their meager income.

If we're going to have a muppet with AIDS, why stop there? Why not teach kids other important life lessons? Like the fact that it doesn't matter how hard they work, they'll never make it big unless they have the right connections.

*Note: I've received a lot of emails from people asking if there is really a muppet with AIDS. Yes, read the news. I've also received a lot of email from people telling me it's restricted to South Africa. As of this writing, CTW has not ruled out the possibility that this character would come to the states or UK.

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