I'm horrible and "disguisting!"
New hate mail

This is my first ever all-hate mail episode. I've included a transcript as well as my expanded responses below:

Full transcript and responses:

From: Emma
To: maddox@xmission.com
Subject: You basterd

This is not ok. This is horrible and Diguisting. I feel myself vomit as I read. It should be reported. Violence is such a disguisting act. And on children who arent fully developed yet? You should be giving them love and a whole other diciplin technique. I am a child for a fact and I know myself how it is. You basterd , May you burn in hell?


I don't know, Emma. May I burn in hell? Are you asking me permission to allow myself to burn in hell, dumbass? As for the "violence against children" screed, since you were too inept to give me context, I assume you're talking about my t-shirts. Specifically the one where I say, "if your child doesn't look like this when you come home, you have failed as a parent." The phrase is tongue-in-cheek, but the message on the shirt is an important one: even if you don't beat your kids, your kids should feel like you could hit them at any second. A healthy dose of fear keeps children from growing up to be dictators. Either you hit them when they're young, or they'll hit you when you're old.


From: Marc Grant
Subject: Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong

Looks like you, in your infinite wisdom, where wrong about the Xbox. Wheres the retraction? Hopefully your not on your period this time and actually right something good for a change... how many Top 10 lists have your book been on by the way? That's how you came to your conclusion Xbox would die like the Dream Cast right? Hahaha, if you actually wright an Xbox article I'll buy your "book".

Want to know the top 10 lists my book has been on? Well let's see... there was the New York Times bestseller list for 7 consecutive weeks (got as high as #2), on the top 10 list for Wall Street Journal's Hardcover non-fiction twice, and #1 on Amazon.com's global book sales for over a week. How many top 10 lists have your books been on? Oh wait, you haven't written any. Also, I'm not sure why you put the word book in quotes, as I don't think anyone is disputing the fact that my books are in fact books. They have pages with words on them. Have you ever even seen a book, you miserable piece of shit? And on that note, do you even know what a retraction is, you simple dick?

What I said about the Xbox was true when I said it, therefore a retraction is inappropriate since I didn't make a mistake. That'd be like saying a weather man should make a retraction about today's weather forecast if it changes tomorrow. I wish your parents would have made a retraction when you were born.

Marc responded:

From: Marc Grant
Subject: Re: Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong - Wrong

Sorry.

Damn right.


Anyone notice how Maddox has positioned the camera in this video to hide his receding hairline?

Oh man, you totally busted me Kevin. I was trying to sneak that by everyone by cropping my receding hairline out of my videos. I never could have imagined that of the millions of people who watch my videos, that someone might notice. Damn, and I was so close to getting away with it.

Nevermind the fact that I posted a video with my full head in frame literally a week before the clip you're referring to, ape. But instead of using the power of basic deduction to conclude that your theory is bullshit, you decided instead to log onto YouTube, go to the comments section, and post your dumbass assertion.

Not only that, but you weren't even sure enough about yourself to make it a statement, so you asked others for validation with, "anyone notice?" I don't know Kevin, did you ever find out if anyone noticed? If not, I have a feeling you will after I post this article. I checked out your wall and it doesn't look like the discussion was very lively, so I hope my query isn't an intrusion:


The enlightened discussion on Kevin's wall.

You're like a conspiracy theorist whose expertise is things that nobody cares about; not even me. And that's saying something, because we're talking about my hair. It's my sincere hope that one of these lonely nights when you stay up feverishly speculating about the hair on my head, surrounded by single-serving frozen-pizza boxes, that you somehow, miraculously, get a fucking life. Or lose the semblance of the one you have now.


More hatemail coming soon. Got something to say? Say it, pussy.

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