How to make a damn fine sandwich:

First, you need these ingredients:

  • Meat (no fat-free or "light" turkey bullshit either. Only artery clogging pastrami or something similar will do)

  • Cheese (Muenster cheese is the best. If you can't get any, you lose. Provolone might work though)

  • Bread (The best bread to use for a sandwich is Jalepeneo Cheese Bread. If you can't find any, try normal garlic bread, or pesto bread. Sour dough is always acceptable)

  • Tabasco Sauce (Mandatory. It makes everything better)

  • Lettuce (Makes the sandwich look bigger, and it tastes good)

  • Tomatoes (This one is probably the most controversial on the list, but since I'm always right, it stays)

  • Onions (And plenty of them. Be generous when you add these)

  • Olives (Black or Green, they're both good)

  • Pickles (NOTE: DO NOT use those sick-ass pickles McDonalds and Burger King put on their burgers. Use real pickles that have been soaked in garlic, vinegar, and beet juice. If you can't find any, just skip the pickles)

  • Vinegar (It's damn good)

  • Beef Jerky (Beef jerky kicks ass)

  • Bacon (Make sure it's bone dry first)

  • Mayonnaise (Not too much.. it can make your food too mushy)


    I think that should do it. The beef jerky isn't always feasible, but I put it on there anyway since you should eat it as a side dish (a nice alternative to chips or fries). If you can't bite into your sandwich because it's so huge, then you know you've made it right. Just keep compressing it until you can at bite into it.

    This sandwich also goes good with clam chowder (with lots of corn in it). Corn goes good with anything. Things you should add to your clam chowder are:

  • Lemons (you should add lemons to every soup)

  • Tabasco (You should know that by now)

  • 1 can of corn (Just dump the whole thing in there, minus the water of course)

  • 1 full package of crackers (Or croutons)

    There you have it. A meal fit for me. Now you can brag to your friends that you know how to make a kick-ass sandwich.

    267,634 people think I make damn good sandwiches.

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