If you have a loud-mouthed, bitchy
girlfriend with an obnoxious laugh...

Consider Masturbation.

Have you ever been driving around and you ask your woman to do something trivial and suddenly it turns into a civil rights movement? Why is everything a power struggle with women? I was driving around with my friend and his girlfriend the other day when he simply asked her to make a left turn, then she suddenly flipped out and started bitching about being controlled. Good job moron, I'm sure bull-dyke feminists everywhere are creaming their pants because of your political crusade against oppression, but there are certain times when taking a stand to prove your stupid point is inappropriate. Like when you're going to MISS THE TURN and make us late to the movie, you dumb bitch!

That reminds me of those bumper stickers I've been seeing a lot of lately. They're yellow with red print: "BITCH ON BOARD." Yeah, trust us, we know you're a bitch, you don't need the bumper sticker. Then they also think it's cute and/or funny to have one of those bumper stickers that say "I have PMS 24/7." Thanks for the warning.

I saw some fat chick driving around with her fat friends the other day with one of those "BITCH ON BOARD" stickers on her bumper. There were three of them in the car, and one guy who was obviously married to the girl in the back seat (you could tell that he was married because he had a cold, lifeless stare and was trying to avoid all conversation and eye contact with her). The chicks in the car had the most obnoxious laugh I've ever heard: a loud, shrieking cackle, like they're laughing so hard that they can barely breathe--you could hear the air being sucked in through their blow holes as their chunky jowls jiggled with each spattering of giggles.

What's so funny? I heard the big mouthed bitch at the wheel telling another joke that wasn't funny, and sure enough, it was followed up with more cackling. Listen, this is a plea to all men: I know it's macho to have a girlfriend and everything, but please, if your girlfriend has an obnoxious laugh and a giant mouth, consider masturbation. Seriously, you're embarassing yourself. There's no shame in masturbation, unless you get caught.

2,126,719 men date loud mouthed hags and don't know it.

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