Peace Blows..


It's time for war.

Teletubbies, Enya, Sarah McLachlan and Alanis Morisette. Harbingers to the downfall of western civilization. When characters named "Tinky Winky, Laa Laa, Dipsy," and "Po" are allowed to exist, you know it's time for war. What the hell is wrong with people these days? It's getting to the point where I can't even go outside safely without weilding a shotgun to ward off all the bullshit.

I'm telling you, we need to get rid of a few people or a million. Another war would be perfect. War builds character. Hell, it doesn't even have to be a war. I'd be content with genocide. I say we line up all the corporate executives, mimes, celebrities, and all those other fat bastards that walk around like their shit doesn't stink, and then systematically flog the hell out of them.

To the untrained eye, I may appear to be a poor candidate for a humanitarian. But am I really? All I want is for people to pull their heads out of their ass. Is that too much to ask for?

Pulling your head out of your ass is easy! Simply use this three step plan: First, go outside and peel off that "Mean People Suck" sticker off of your shitty new car, gather all of your precious brand name clothing along with all that hip music you bought because you were a fool, and burn them entirely. Next, realize that you were a moron for buying all that crap in the first place, and finally, never buy into any more of that bullshit ever again. That's all you need to do to upgrade your status from dipshit to jackass in my book (next step is shit face, don't stop now!).

320,466 people agree, war is great!

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