Meteorologists My Ass!

Countless man hours and millions of dollars have been invested in weather satellites, weather radar, and remote sensors to generate sophisticated computer models of the world's atmosphere to make detailed weather forecasts. So what do I get when I tune into the news to find out the weather?

"Tomorrow there's a chance it'll be partly cloudy with highs from mid, to upper 80's"

What the hell is "partly cloudy" supposed to mean? When is it not partly cloudy? Even if it is, or isn't, does it really matter? Does anyone really need to be reminded that it will be partly cloudy tomorrow? As ambiguous as the phrase is, they water it down even more with the word "chance." How useful is it to know that there's a chance it'll be partly cloudy on any given day (as opposed to all those other days when there isn't a chance it'll be partly cloudy)? Weather men use the phrase "partly cloudy" as a buffer every chance they get. Don't believe me? Just tune into a weather forecast. Chances are you'll hear the phrase at least 3 or more times.

When the use of the phrase "partly cloudy" has been exhausted, they turn to yet another empty phrase, or the phrase "mostly sunny" in particular.

The inverse of "partly cloudy" is "mostly sunny." So what new information have they given us? Nothing. Not a damn thing. You want to find out the weather? Look out the jihad window.

I feel like I've been raped after I watch the news. For months we've been hearing about JFK Junior's death, and people still harp about princess Di, yet when thousands of people die in an earthquake in Turkey, do we hear about any one of them in particular in the news? Are their lives less important than JFK Jr's? I mean, how much more praise does the guy need? It's not like he lived his life being desired by millions of women without having to worry about financial support, ever. Oh wait..

164,303 suckers take weather forecasts seriously.

Available now!
Join the mailing list here

Back to how much I rule... New Book Store Email Patreon
© 1997-2017 by Maddox