Hey Jenny, what rhymes with "canceled"?
Hey Jenny, what rhymes with "canceled"?
So the Jenny Jones show has finally been canceled after 12 long seasons. I
say: it's about damn time.
I hesitate to use the word "trashy" to describe her show,
because to call her show trashy would be an insult to truly trashy television.
The Jenny Jones show is to television what Cheez Whiz is to food. I can't
stress enough how shitty this show is. If trashy
television was a video game, The Jenny Jones show would be the final boss.
I made a decision about three years ago to stop watching her show entirely
because it was pissing me off way too much. I watched it again the other
day and nothing has changed. Every show can be summarized in one of the
three following categories:
1. Some lardass loses weight, and now she thinks she's "THE BOMB."
So she comes out parading her fatass off to everyone in the skimpiest outfit
she can find. Nevermind that every other Jenny Jones show focuses on people
who "dress too sexy" (in which the audience boos and sneers when they
display the before picture, which means that they're no better than the
people they criticize), hypocrisy is kosher
when it's an ex-fatass who wants
her 15 minutes. News flash: nobody cares. What do they want, a reward?
They bring the weight upon themselves, then they lose it and expect
everyone to throw them a ticker-tape parade for losing what they gained. Way
to piss
away your 15 minutes you moron. That's another thing, the phrase
"everyone gets 15
minutes of fame" is bullshit. Not everyone can get 15 minutes of
fame. The earth's population is about 6 billion. At 15 minutes per
person, that amounts to over 171,000 years we'd have to spend just sitting
around watching people be "famous." To hell with that.
As for the other two categories, I was just kidding: there are none. Every
Jenny Jones show is like the one above, with various permutations of the
following rhyming words: "geek, chic, teen, obscene, hot, not, mom, bomb" and
many others. I've gone through the trouble of translating a few choice
show topics to give you a brief synopsis of each:
The show I watched the other day was about 11 and 12 year old kids who
smoke, do drugs, and drink. It was so stupid I almost had a heart attack.
They had some 11 year old girl on there who liked to dress sexy, then
Jenny Jones being the impartial host that she is, asked the girl
questions that everybody wanted to know: "why are you doing it"? I guess
Jenny forgot that it doesn't matter why 11 year olds do anything, because
they're, get this, 11. The bovine-like mother just sat back nodding her
head saying "I can't control her! I've tried everything!" Yeah? Well
have you tried GROWING SOME BALLS AND STOMPING YOUR LITTLE SHIT INTO
SUBMISSION, YOU DUMB BITCH? She's 11 years old. Do
something about it. Holy shit people are stupid. Why is this on TV?
Thank you Jenny Jones for your years of glorifying parents who have "out
of control teens" and encouraging stupid kids with bad attitudes by putting
them on television. So long Jenny, your show won't be missed.
Translation: I was an ugly skank in high school,
and now that I've changed my appearance to conform to the media's perception
of what's "hot," I'm no longer an ugly skank. Now I'm a shallow skank!
Translation: Raunchy hags and semi-hookers.
Notice how they stealthily snuck the word "talent" into the title to make it
seem like a legitimate topic. I have to admit, I totally didn't notice
that they were glorifying prostitution since they used "talent" in the
topic along with "looks." Otherwise I would have totally changed the
channel if I found out it was a talk show about stupid slutty chicks who
exploited their bodies to get on television.
Translation: I should be shot for using
the phrase "mad player skills."
Translation: Another lame excuse to have
another stupid show devoted to make overs. I have to admit though, the
topic is pretty clever and sassy. Speaking of sassy, I thought of an
alternative title for this episode: this talk show host has a
lot of sass, too bad her head is up her ass!
Translation: This one is my favorite because
it's a broken sounding rhyme. They didn't even go for the obvious "I'm
America's hottest honey, nobody else is quite as money." This episode
answers the question that people are dying to find out once and for all: who
is America's hottest honey?
634,299 People wonder if Jenny Jones can come up with a topic that rhymes with "canceled."
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