* - Shit.. I forgot I still had this page up..
I just put links to my other movie reviews.
If you don't like it, go to hell.
Note: if you have your own rating table you would like me to use, send it to me. If I think it doesn't suck ass, I'll post it on this page.
The movie "Signs" in four easy steps.
"The Cell" is boring and stupid.
Tribute to Army of Darkness: The best movie ever.
Star Wars: Qui-Gon Jinn & Darth Maul (No spoilers)
Don't see Patch Adams.
Wrongfully Accused - This movie was
depressingly bad. I've got to remember to never see another Lesly Nielson
movie again. It's full of slap stick humor and shit jokes (not the good
kind). If you liked this movie, take a piece of paper, in big black
letters write the word "DUMBASS" on it, tape it to your back, and walk
into a train. You make me sick.
Henry - You've probably never heard of this
movie because it sucks so much ass. It's about a serial killer that kills
people because his mom was a prostitute as a child.. boooring, NEXT. The
only cool part in the movie was this fat guy that kicked the serial
killer's ass. One of my favorite quotes of his is when he yells "What the
hell's wrong with you?? 'Got shit in your ears?" Right after he beats a
baby seal to death. Okay.. I made that part up. But trust me, don't see
Patch Adams - Horrible. It's the worst movie
ever made, next to Titanic, Ever After, and Step Mom. I used to think
Robin Williams was okay.. until he ate all that shit in Patch Adams.
Saving Private Ryan - Ignore the first and
last five minutes, and it's great. Lots of violence, people being shot
and maimed, explosions, chaos.
Holy Man - This movie sucks. It
started out okay for the first 15 minutes or so, but then it went on about
love and people smiling and hugging each other. It's supposed to give you
a warm fuzzy joy happy singing dance feeling. Makes me want to PUKE. The
movie became almost intolerable at the end: they go to some party and
dance together, and then they turn into sappy wimps saying stuff like
"ooh.. I love the way you dance.. lets make out.." or something. Anyway,
don't see it.
The Avengers - The phrase "What the hell?"
sums up this movie. I fell asleep half way during it, and still
understood as much as my friends did. Nobody knows what the hell's going
on, not even the actors. They should have just made it a movie about
explosions and hippy abuse. At least then I'd laugh.
Pi - This movie is about some crazy math guy
that tries to find patterns in the stock market. It turns out that what
he finds has very deep implications in some ancient hebrew scriptures, and
so he gets stalked by two groups of people interested in his findings. I
thought it was a pretty good movie, but for the sake of being a jerk, I'm
going to say it sucked. Screw you.
More to come.. (I'll probably add some of my older favorites on here later)
327,262 people hate all the movies I like.