Five questions that will dictate your personality for the rest of your life.
(Updated: 12-31-02)

Guiltless grill? Is there another kind?
(Updated: 12-20-02)

Et tu Maxim? Even Maxim can't step.
(Updated: 12-03-02)

Harry Potter's worst foe: Puberty.
(Updated: 11-25-02)

What kind of car I drive and other facts you don't need to know (new hate mail).
(Updated: 11-18-02)

Wearing a Japanese shirt doesn't make you Japanese.
(Updated: 11-13-02)

CNN sucks.
(Updated: 11-06-02)

Too much of an uncreative, no-talent loser to come up with your own material? Why not plagiarize me instead?
(Updated: 02-04-03)

Behold: the wisdom of a 14 year old (new hate mail).
(Updated: 10-20-02)

More crappy children's art work.
(Updated: 10-04-02)

Why stop with a muppet with AIDS?
(Updated: 09-23-02)

Attention: inane is no longer a word due to consensus (new hate mail).
(Updated: 10-10-02)

Seven reasons why the Xbox can suck it.
(Updated: 09-24-02)

Love your kids? Prove it by beating them.
(Updated: 09-02-02)

The movie "Signs" in four easy steps.
(Updated: 08-11-02)

Being able to spell doesn't make you any less of an idiot (new hate mail).
(Updated: 07-17-02)

Michael Newdow: feel free to exercise your right to blow me.
(Updated: 06-28-02)

I am better than your kids.
(Updated: 06-17-02)

I will kick your ass.
(Updated: 06-03-02)

Find out what they teach you in pshycology (new hate mail).
(Updated: 05-22-02)

Show everyone how much of an asshole you are by wearing faded jeans.
(Updated: 05-21-02)

Suicide isn't so bad, give it a chance.
(Updated: 04-18-02)

People who like David Lynch movies are idiots.
(Updated: 04-18-02)

The real reason Metallica has a beef with Napster.
(Updated: 04-14-02)

Someone call the CDC, it turns out Stupid is contagious after all.
(Updated: 03-31-02)

Queen of the Damned is the worst movie ever made. EVER.
(Updated: 03-04-02)

What better way to exemplify the human spirit than with a pill that gives men boners?
(Updated: 02-25-02)

Contra III: The war that the world forgot.
(Updated: 02-18-02)

More abnoxious new hatemail.
(Updated: 02-17-02)

THX and Fandango commercials are to movies what AIDS is to humans.
(Updated: 02-06-02)

Antique collectors piss me off.
(Updated: 01-28-02)

Five things that sucked about Lord of the Rings.
(Updated: 01-13-02)

When is the last time a whale did anything for you?
(Updated: 12-13-01)

Movies I hate that begin with "T" and end with "ITANIC"
(Updated: 10-21-98)

Here are some pages that don't suck: